How to Win Friends & Influence People - Best Lessons from the Book

4,868 views Wait, is this logic right? • Jan 25, 2024

Slog Reference: How to Win Friends and Influence People

Description

How to Win Friends and Influence People is an amazing book written by Dale Carnegie. The book presents several actionable principles that you can apply in real life to make people like you by being genuinely interested in them, showing curiosity, and providing actual value. The title may look preachy, but the principles are life-changing. Watch us discuss some of these principles in this episode of the FutureIQ podcast.

Books mentioned in the episode:
How to win friends and influence people: https://tapthe.link/WinFriendsDaleC
Atomic habits: https://tapthe.link/AtomicHabitsBook

More videos for you:
Importance of networking: https://youtu.be/4zMQOzR3jcE
Will AI take your job: https://youtu.be/3fOTvF8ReXA
Zero sum games: https://youtu.be/_z7q02JxysM

Hope you enjoyed FutureIQ by Navin Kabra and Shrikant Joshi. Do hit us up on Twitter:
@ngkabra http://twitter.com/ngkabra
@shrikant https://twitter.com/shrikant

Listen it on the podcast provider of your choice: https://tapthe.link/FutureIQRSS
Watch other episodes of The FutureIQ podcast: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAppTB0r5_TaYueZ0adD42Wiw5X-wTE4v

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction
00:51 Shrikant's favorite principle
01:25 The impact
02:17 Principle
03:18 Warren Buffet & Mary Kay
05:23 Principle
06:08 Betty Crocker
08:42 Principle
10:08 ChatGPT
11:40 Principle
12:21 Principle
14:24 Principle
14:55 Principle
15:17 Principle
16:28 Final advise

#futureiq #dalecarnegie

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Transcript

- do you know how some people are more successful than you and you don't know why there's a good chance that the reason is because they are better at networking and relationships oh 80% of success is relationships and networking okay I know we've done an episode on this previously yes 80% yes and you don't know how to do it well but the good news is that this is a well-known problem and there's a wonderful book called How to inference and Influence People by Dale Cari you would have seen it I have read it it has these principles which actually work yeah right and so we want to spend this episode giving you an idea of the kinds

0m 45s of principles there are and why they work and examples of that right yeah I one of the principles that I remember from the book that I absolutely love and which I try and practice every single time in almost every interaction I have is allowing the other person to uh make a graceful exit like Saving Face so to speak absolutely let the other person save face yeah another one uh similarly is that do not give them a direct order do something instead ask them questions to the point where they realize okay I'm supposed to do something where they reach the conclusion where they think it's their own idea yeah we will not go through all the principles here we'll

1m 28s just give a few examples uh but we list the principles and you should go uh read the book but the impact yeah of this is huge right marriages have been saved by people who use this principle the success Warren Buffett says that his success is because of the ideas of this book and the success of Mary K Cosmetics Betty Crocker marketing is also attributed to the principles in this book right and uh this book will will also help you prepare for the inevitable rise of Chad GPT which is going to take your jobs right I believe it for those worried about chat GPT being able to do their job yeah keep in mind that chat GPT

2m 13s won't be very good at the networking part which is what you're going to need in the early days after Dale Cari wrote the book A man approached him and thanked him for saving his marriage because what he realized on reading the book was that he was trying to win arguments with his wife right yeah instead he applied the principles one was be a good listener let the other person Express themselves right if you are in the mode trying to win arguments you are not listening you're looking for things to attack another principle is try to honestly see things from the other person's point of view right after a little practice you can do it and I

2m 56s know some of these principles sound too simplis but they actually work in real life okay and some of these principles even if they sound simplistics are not implemented by a lot of people on the internet for example trying to look from the other person's perspective is something the internet desperately needs forget internet right even in real life uh Warren Buffett is famous for saying that he attributes his success to the principles of this book right what he used to do huh was that whenever in early days after he learned these principles whenever he went and met someone or talked to someone he would decide today I will use the principles okay and he would use the

3m 40s principles like things like uh you know use that person's name because they like hearing their own name and so on right so he would use the principles note down and then see what the effect was then some other he ran an RCT with the book yes for other people he would decid okay today I will not use the principal and then he would note it and he found that there was more success in whatever he was trying to do don't he was more successful when he was using these principles okay this is Warren Buffett I I don't know whether to Marvel at this guy's Ingenuity or be absolutely appalled at his treatment of people around him as if they were labrats

4m 24s testing out principles with them today I'm not going to use your name today I'm going to use your name AR if it results in him treating the people better overall overall right yeah all right but you also mentioned the corporations Mary K Cosmetics so Mary K Ash who started Mary K Cosmetics she attributes the success of her sales team in the principles she used when dealing with her sales people right so the specific principles are praise the slightest Improvement praise every Improvement be hearty and lavish in your praise okay this is something we are pretty bad at doing in general yes as an employee I looked forward to nothing but acknowledgement and appreciation for my

5m 12s work that sometimes was way more satisfactory than you know getting that extra 2% 3% 5% in my appraisal another principle is give the other person a fine reputation to live up to right okay you start talking as if this person has achieved XY Z and that person now feels compelled to actually achieve XYZ right slightly sneaky but I see where they are coming from I mean it's it's unfair to put someone on a pedestal that they don't belong to or that too much pressure on them see you judge them right you know they are capable of this but they need to push themselves a little bit the way to get them to push themselves is to talk as if they're

5m 56s already there ah yeah that kind of makes sense yeah but for that you have to absolutely know how much you can push them correct right so that's Mary Cosmetics the other name that you came up with was Betty CER bet Crocker there that's even more interesting right there the mascot of Betty Crocker okay right the the bety crocker character itself uh used these principles which basically means that the marketing team used these principles to give a certain persona persona to bet Crocker yeah and it was extremely successful okay let's look at the list of actual principles they used okay this is a lesson in marketing for all those of you who are studying marketing so pay attention pay close

6m 41s attention to this right so be genuinely interested in other people right yes marketing companies are not actually interested in people they're just interested in sales whereas what Betty Crocker did the fictional Betty Crocker she answered every letter that she received and she offered advice she shared recipes she did things which had nothing to do with actual sales yeah and actual sales increased okay yeah talk in terms of the other person's interest right yeah so the other person is not interested in increasing your sales the other person is interested in getting something sold for themselves correct and they're not necessarily interested in buying your thing unless it solves their problem right correct so everything B CER did wasn't primarily

7m 31s about selling right it was about giving people recipes giving people tips on how to fix problems with recipes cooking issues right just spend a lot of time on that yeah and as a result again people really started liking Betty Crocker and you know buying things from Betty Crocker was just a side effect yeah because at that point you establish a trust with the person associated with the brand and once you have a trust well that is essentially the Holy Grail is be a good listener encourage others to talk about themselves right so Betty Crocker encouraged people to write with questions regarding feedback right and actively acknowledged every feedback they received and if somebody complained about something that didn't work well

8m 17s acknowledge it understand it see if you can do anything about it just generally be open and encourage feedback I'm actually trying to think of uh and I'm realizing now that there are so many Indian companies that could do with this Betty clocker strategy there are so many Indian people who could use these strategies right that's why this episode exists so one more principle that Betty Crocker marketing used is if you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically okay so early when they first Betty Crocker sells these you know quick mixes and instant pancakes and so on like I think GS in India yeah so their early things were too easy yeah okay they were just like you know take this just add

9m 06s water and it happens and when they heard being a good listener they encouraged people to talk and the feedback they got was that this is so convenient that it feels fake right as in people feel like they're cheating by doing this right so Betty cracker quickly realized this is going to be a problem they acknowledged the mistake and they changed by the way the change was a little tricky you know what they did what instead of just Add Water they changed it to add water and eggs right so now the customers feel like they did something yes achievement is half the part of you know cooking yes and the success went up I can see why I

9m 50s can see why yeah H Betty Crocker yeah there are a lot of companies like Betty Crocker in India that can benefit from these Str stres and this book specifically how to win friends and influence people but now the part that I think a lot of people here are curious and eager to hear about chat GPT yeah how can this book help with so as chat GPT I think is going to affect two things quite a lot okay one is the whole education system okay every homework can be done by chat GPT every question paper can be easily solved by chat GPT right so um it's going to become increasingly difficult for schools and universities to give the stamp of credentials saying

10m 36s that this person is really good at uh XYZ right credentials are going to become less important because also when you are doing actual work anyone can use chat GPT to quickly learn something and be able to do something uh so the gap between abilities is going to shrink correct as the gap between ability shrink what is going to define the difference in who's successful and who's not successful soft skills networking and relationships right and this is what is going to I mean we have done an entire episode to talk about how networking is 80% of success in an organization this is what will help you right these are specific steps you can take if you adopt principles from this

11m 20s book in your daily life you will find that your daily life itself gets better not just in terms of business or professionalism or whatever but in general your life gets better like for example there is this piece of advice where Dale Cari says uh Cari Cari I'm not really sure the pronunciation he says give honest and sincere appreciation which is something that a lot of us could benefit by doing and not just receiving yeah the joy of giving honest appreciation is something else and that should be contrasted with fake appreciation because people are smart they're not dumb if fake appreciation very quickly they will learn to ignore and think of you as a fake person right

12m 05s you do realize that every time I appreciate you it is very genuine and very honest yes yes yes just want to make that clear because he immediately brought brought a fake appreciation man feel bad yeah but there are a lot of interesting principles in the book which which you should definitely check out what are your favorites uh one is this give honest and uh genuine appreciation another one is uh something to do with I I don't remember the exact principle but it is uh a person's name is the sweetest sound in the entire world for them yeah and I remember the example from from the book about a Greek person named Nicholas papadis I'm probably getting that name

12m 45s wrong which I shouldn't because I just explained why but that example has stuck with me yeah because uh nobody had ever said their entire name to that person before the first time they had they heard their name set back it felt different and that's when I realized that uh when you take an effort to remember someone's name it registers with the other person and it builds a solid Rao immediately and so two things I want to say about that one is that when I read these principles on paper a lot of them seemed silly or too simplistic to me right but like Warren Buffett when you actually try it out in real life uh it doesn't feel that I mean

13m 35s if you do it not in a very fake way if you do it as part naturally it surprising how well it works and not necessary that every principle will apply to you apply to you or you will be able to pull it off but you know there are a lot of them even a few you are able to do those will work right so and honestly uh this is one place place where I would definitely say fake it till you make it it is okay to fake being genuinely interested and genuinely apprecia because eventually you'll start being genuinely interesed and genely most people are interesting if you take an interest they definitely are in addition to the ones we have already

14m 16s talked about like be genuinely interested be a good listener uh and see which is your favorite yeah so in addition to those I do like but also uh talk in terms of the others interest right I find that to be very important because usually we tend to talk in terms of okay this is how I understand things right but if you talk think in terms of okay what are what is that person interested in uh in fact for most say students the advice I end up giving is that every time you talk you have to understand what the other person wants to hear not what you want to say right uh you related to that is be sympathetic

14m 59s with the other person's ideas yeah uh and desires which might not be the same as yours true the advantage of this of these two is that you end up learning something new which is one of the reasons why I'm on this channel because I get to learn something new every time I do an episode with naen and also win-win ask questions instead of giving direct orders I mean I usually not in the business of giving orders but I am in the business of giving advice and uh on this channel I can't talk to you directly that's why I'm just giving direct advice but usually for people what I try to do is ask them questions

15m 34s yeah right and sometimes they end up realizing the advice that I did want to give them sometimes they end up finding a different way that even I wouldn't have thought so I think that just really works well yeah and um asking questions is always also beneficial because uh the answers to every question are different for every person H depending on their circumstances so it's always better to let them evaluate their circumstances and then answer those questions so lots of I mean if we talk there are there are a few books that we can talk about all all day long this is one of them the other is atomic habits on which we've been promising to do an episode but we

16m 15s haven't done yet one of these days one of these days or maybe it'll become our golden deer you never know so yeah uh the one thing that we would both recommend is do go and check the book out read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale carnegi Cari whatever your pronunciation is I'm really sorry I should have learned it by now but uh yeah what what would you say na yeah and not just read the uh book but also try out a few principles yourself right and if you like this episode I think you will like our other episode on Zero Sum versus positive some games uh the ideas are similar which is that you know

16m 59s there's a big word out there things can improve and you should focus on that instead of the negatives so check it out we'll put a link somewhere here or in the description for sure Shri Kant naen future IQ thank you